The Bracelet Slinger Blog

As I’ve come to Joshua Tree to find safety from society, instead I’ve found that even in the desert, there is no place on Earth without its challenges, and no environment can be controlled. But with the lessons I’ve gathered along this journey, I am also learning how to sit in the flames, ride them out, let go of all that doesn’t serve me, in order to grab...

When I was really young, instead of playing house like most of the kids, I pretended to be an orphan picking berries in the woods.

I dreamt the deer would run up to the window of the car we were all in and take me on their back and steal me away.

I wrote a story in 4th grade about a girl who runs away and survives on a mountain on her own, “Escape to Round Mountain.”

In middle school I would...

“A Traveler’s Creed”

Treat the pain inside you with the TRUTH.

Treat the way you live your life with some HUMILITY.

Treat the way you tell others to live their life with some INTEGRITY.

Treat the people who are working for you and feeding you with some RESPECT.

Treat the people who are holding your family’s pain with LOVE...

By letting go, I have gained a new family. A family that has felt my pain with me, shown up, listened, and supported me.

By depriving myself of what I believed to be love, I have found the real thing. And they feel nothing alike.

One silences. One listens.
One stays the same. One makes a change.
One watches. One takes a stand.
One is weight. One is support...

I feel like I’m healing.  As scenes from my past are all starting to come together and make sense, I am taking the steps I need to let go, and learning how to communicate better with the ones who I feel safe with.

Through this I called on a friend who lives safely overseas - because my trust had been shattered, I needed to call on someone who could only have pure intentions and an ocean between us felt safe.  He has also always...

”Trust Yourself”

You are the best expert on yourself. Most people don’t listen. They tell you what they think works for them, but that’s for them. Not you. Trust yourself. You know best what’s best for you. Only you know that. And you’ve got everything you need to find it...even if it means starting over.

Stream of consciousness  from ~11:40 pm to 9:00 am.

I wish I didn’t wake up.  But maybe the mouse was a good distraction, or maybe it was the thing that woke me up.  I still have so much rage inside me, and I’m not sure if it’s from the rage inflicted upon me or from having a lifetime of running from something that was supposed to be my safest place to go.  Now the only place that feels safe is...

Communication is a sacred way to connect with each other, and connection is a key role in human survival and enriching our time here on Earth - by listening, not just with our ears, but with our eyes, mind, and heart we improve our ability to communicate and connect. The good listener doesn’t just hear the words, but sees where they are coming from, thinks about the actions it takes to back them, and feels...

Money has tricked us to trash the most valuable thing we have - the EARTH - our MOTHER. Tricked us to trading in our empowerment - our ability in surviving with our bare hands - for relying on everything else but ourselves. Tricked us to thinking we are the smartest species so we murder and torture other species...

I came out to Joshua Tree for it’s simplicity...it’s easy to be with myself here. And I cried, and cried, and wailed like a baby...and listened to music, and wrote, and cried, and laid in bed, tucked in the warmth of my sleeping bag, and went on a few little walks through the dirt, but this time I felt like I was with my mother for the first time. And I didn’t want to share her...

The black sheep, the underdog, the scapegoat, the ugly duckling, the lone wolf, the feral child, you know who you are because not only do you listen, but you take action, you change, and you change, and you change until your insides are burning - never giving up on living the truth...through the loneliness and all the darkest nights, burning and burning in the friction...

A clip from my journal. A peek into depression and the beginning of a wild dream.

11/4/2013

I feel useless. My body has been in pain for the past few days for no reason. My fingers are messed up from making these bracelets in bed all day. At least I am doing something…

I am depressed. I think about being dead. But at the same time my mind is piling up with lists of dreams to accomplish. I just can’t tell what’s reality and what’s insanity. I feel...