Triggered to Run

When I was really young, instead of playing house like most of the kids, I pretended to be an orphan picking berries in the woods.

I dreamt the deer would run up to the window of the car we were all in and take me on their back and steal me away.

I wrote a story in 4th grade about a girl who runs away and survives on a mountain on her own, “Escape to Round Mountain.”

In middle school I would beg to ride my bicycle by myself, made friends with the kids whose parents would let us run around the neighborhood alone.

In high school, I rebelled and got locked in at an abusive boarding school called Mount Bachelor Academy, that I ran away from and was then sent to the wilderness.

In the wilderness, I stole a knife from our leader with the plan to run away, got caught, was stuck there, fell in love with the wild, but when the program ended and they wanted to send me back to the school, I tied a rope around my neck and said I wouldn’t go back. I got another week in the desert, but eventually they sent me back until I turned 18.  

After I got my GED, I smoked a lot of pot, drank a lot of beer, and drowned the little voice I had.

Eventually, completed college. Ran off to Colorado as quick as I could. Lost the one love of my dog, Dude...and went on the Appalachian Trail.

Lived out of my car for a bit and eventually traded up for a van.

Wandering till I realized there was no place on Earth to wander far enough.

Until finally I realized the thing I was running from was the place I kept going back to.

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