Redefining Love

By letting go, I have gained a new family. A family that has felt my pain with me, shown up, listened, and supported me.

By depriving myself of what I believed to be love, I have found the real thing. And they feel nothing alike.

One silences. One listens.
One stays the same. One makes a change.
One watches. One takes a stand.
One is weight. One is support.
One avoids. One feels.
One is toxic. One is safe.
One isn’t there. One shows up.
One focuses on looking good on the outside. One focuses on feeling good from the inside.
One is impulsive. One is patient.
One is fast. One takes time.
One thinks they already know. One tries to understand.
One has answers. The other asks questions.
One does not apologize. One does.
One tries to be perfect. One acknowledges their imperfections.
One is defensive. One reflects.
One is arrogant. One is curious.
One takes. One shares.
One hurts. One heals.
One continues the cycle. One tries something new.
One says come to me.  One says let’s meet in the middle.
One is blind. One sees.
One hears. One listens.
One projects. One takes accountability.
One gaslights. One is light.
One minimizes. One validates.
One stonewalls. One takes the wall down.
One lovebombs. One makes love feel at home.
One runs. One waits.
One takes. One makes.
One confuses. One clarifies.
One discourages. One inspires.
One denies. One is truthful.
One sends you away. One takes you in.
One ghosts. One explains.
One wants to hear they are loved. One wants to tell someone they’re loved. 
One gives advice.  One asks what do you need. 
One is weak and bullies.  One is sensitive and strong. 
One flaunts. One experiences.
One is selfish. One is balanced.
One saves. One empowers.
One controls. One works together.
One is fear. One is love.

By learning from the people who love me, I now know what I need to do to love them, too.

Thanks for showing me the way.

(These are my overseas friends - the frontline crew that kept me going in the peak of the chaos. My trust had been so shattered, I did not feel safe to contact anyone inside my own country - except my cousin @lizziew522 💕. But thanks to them and the handful of people who have been vulnerable with me, I am healing fast. You all are the best. Thanks for teaching me what love feels like.)

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