The Storm of 2020
Hello to all ye warriors of 2020. It’s been a storm of a year, has it not? I hope everybody is finding ways to cope and maybe finding out some new things about yourselves and areas in which to grow. I know that I sure have, and not in a boastful way. I have seen some ugly sides of myself as well as some core parts of myself that I don’t usually get to see. I’ve also tapped into some deeper truths that I have either forgotten, avoided, or covered up. It’s as if this year has picked me up, shaken my inner and outer world and has mixed them all together into one big hurricane. But it has pulled my inner values as well as my deepest pain out of my pockets, and closets, and hiding places, and tossed them all around for me to see, and for some others to uncomfortably see as well. I’ve got a lot of cleaning up todo, and not just from the storm of 2020, but from what it has uncovered.
I’m back on the road, feeling like I’ve lost myself in the past year and a half, but also feeling more confident with who I am and what I want. I left the road in 2018 for a couple reasons. One, I found a dog that grew to be 140 pounds who hated being in the van, and she fell in love with my parents and my dad’s German Shepherd. Two, I met a homeless lady in the woods, who looked eerily like an old version of me. Talking with her felt like I was talking to my future self and made me fear that my life might end up like hers if I didn’t start thinking about my future. I moved back to Texas, dibble dabbled in different activities, got a yoga teacher certification, felt something about it was off - I’ll get to that later, then decided to apply to graduate school for social work. I got in before I had even really thought anything through, and I successfully completed two semesters. Though I loved the learning aspect, both semesters I battled deeply within myself wondering if I was going the wrong direction to what my heart wanted. Then summer semester came, and 2020 got even more intense with the death of George Floyd. That’s when everything flew up into the air. The yoga studio I received my teacher training certification from started to reveal its cultish toxicity that resembled the boarding school I escaped from that had gotten shut down for child abuse...as some of you have heard about. I exposed a video of the owner that caused a disturbance among the community causing many instructors to walk out, and stories of insidious behavior of the owner to surface, which triggered me to lose trust in everybody around me. My mental and physical response felt as autonomic as the heart rate rising when in danger. I felt a flashback response to the psychological trauma of boarding school. To make matters worse, the government and half the country seemed to look like a cult as well, in the way that people would blindly defend an obviously horrible leader. The world, that I had grown to love so deeply from all the healing of the mountains, deserts, oceans, and highways had started to look like a trap. All I had to trust was everything that I’ve learned from the wilderness and everything from the road that had healed me before stepping back into society and the culture of not being enough.
So, here I am now. Throwing myself back into the arms of the wild, of places untouched by man, and the only road to freedom, as far as I see it. I hope by being back in nature I will come to embrace people again, the way I did before entering back into the system. But right now, all I want to do is be curled up in nature.
The shop will go back to its original structure from being on the road before. Shipment days will be limited to when I am in town and communication will be dependent upon if I will be in cell range or not. I’ve designated Mondays to be the day I will ship out any sales that have accrued while in the backcountry, unless otherwise noted. Response to emails or direct messages could take up to 6 days. The shop’s website and Etsy will soon be available; however, more inventory will be available on the shop page. Following this announcement will be another important announcement about the changes coming to this shop in light of the fight for freedom for all.
Take care everybody.