Slowing Down

Settling back into nature after a weekend of socializing feels a lot like slamming on the brakes.  Your body is heaving forward from the speed of everyone else while your mind is slowed down to the gentle turning of the Earth.  Crossing over the line that distinguishes the two worlds between society and solitude creates an internal whiplash at first - at least for me, anyways.  The sudden isolation can be too jarring and trigger loneliness and anxiety.  I’m learning it’s easier to ease slowly back into it.  

So, I got my groceries once I pulled into Jackson, then looked up a spot in the wilderness that I knew would be around other campers and have cell service.  Yesterday I caught up with my closest friends who are scattered all over the map - two in Texas, one in New York City, and one in Vancouver, British Columbia - they’ve all become my family now - sisters - the ones I call to let know I’ll be off grid, or call just to check in on, or call just to call even though none of us have anything to report.  They’re the ones who are growing with me - strong enough to search for truth and humble enough to change when they find it.  

I also chatted with a camper parked across from me, traveling in an airstream with her dog - Candace and Cedar.  They both have matching red hair.  They’re quite a pair, both spirited and enthusiastic.  They’re from Texas and hearing Candace’s twang brought out my old accent as well.  Texas feels so far away now, in mind and spirit.  It feels like the dark ages.  That girl who grew up there would’ve read these blog posts and thought I’d gone straight hippie and granola.  But looking back, all I see is a girl who had a lot to learn and everything to unlearn.  

I haven’t been in the mood to write after the gear shifting between being a hermit in the woods to partying in the desert with hundreds of humans.  My brain is scattered and going in too many different directions and different speeds to write a cohesive thought.  But at least I got something down to start the simplifying process.  Maybe I’ll be able to fully immerse into the place I am tomorrow; I think my spirit is still in Bend, mind still on the highway, body everywhere else but still.