Malcolm’s Journal

You know how when you break up with someone, it’s easy to only remember their good parts and want them back?  I’ve been grieving for Malcolm.  The pain is unbearable at times and feels like it might never go away.  My life feels worse than empty without him - I feel guilty, evil, and broken.  I keep worrying if there was anything else I could have done.  I even keep looking up different trainers.  

But I kept a journal of our time together and the work we put in.  And now, more than ever, I am so grateful for keeping it.  As I read through the days, I’m reminded how much we struggled and the never ending battle we had to get through every hour of every day.  I still miss him deeply but reading those entries keeps me from thinking that I made a horrible mistake.  And that I would never be able to forgive myself for.  Still, I only want to remember the good times.  I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to get out of bed again.