prop•a•ga•tion
prop•a•ga•tion:
The breeding of specimens of a plant or animal by natural processes from the parent.
The adoption agency told my parents that it was important to teach me about my culture and where I was from. My parents took me to some sort of Korean culture event once or twice when I was little but told me I wasn’t interested…that I was more interested in playing with my My Little Pony’s. She was right. What child wants to learn about culture? I didn’t even know what the word “culture” meant. What child wants to think about their future and mental well being? What child wants to learn a new language that nobody in their life speaks?
Now at 37, as I hear about my friends who grew up inside their own ethnic culture, they are grateful that their parents forced them to speak their language as kids when they didn’t want to learn it. They are grateful that their mother taught them how to cook all the ethnic food to pass on to their children. They are proud to wear their traditional clothes to family events. They feel like their culture is a big part of who they are…because it is…not just because it comes with their skin…and the shape of their eyes…but because it comes with their heart.
Our roots are our foundation of our being. And being transracially adopted is so much more than having our roots severed, it’s also being denied of our dirt…our sunshine…and our growth.
They tell us to move on - but you can’t just move on when pieces of your soul are gone. You have to do all the work to gather all the nutrients they’ve hid from you and are scattered all over the world for you to find - by yourself - in order to grow. You have to do it while they tell you they love you…while their actions show you they don’t even care to get to know you. You have to do it with a straight face as if you have all your pieces together or else they’ll try to medicate you, blame you for acting up, or shun you for not growing the way they wanted you to. You have to accept that a house, an education, and a “family” is an even exchange for your authentic self.
And after you finally get all the pieces back together - find your voice, your thoughts, your truth, your worth, your soul…you have to face that being whole means breaking their heart.